Friday, July 07, 2006

How to lose a limb and your appetite

Wow. The response for an update has been overwhelming. At least more than 1 person said that I better get on with a new post like their lives depended on it. Let's just say I had a very busy week entertaining family and the like, but not before a few things caught my bespectacled eye.

With the 4th of July come and gone, I'm just wondering where do all those unused fireworks go. There are boxes, shelves, layers of that stuff at Meijer and the like. There a whole warehouse full of them along the highway. Does anyone ever buy fireworks betweene July 5th-June 30th?? Is someone driving along in the middle of September thinking, 'I better stock up on fireworks now!'? I find it highly unlikely.

And I love how the name of the fireworks factory is always something dangerous sounding like, Crazy Al's Fireforwks Death Store. And there's a cartoon picture of some heroin addict on the billboard. Yeah, that makes it seem safe. My family was unable to have our fireworks show Monday Night because it rained. So my Uncle is gonna just keep his big box of pyrotechnics in his basement until next year. Sadly, the 4th just didn't seem like the 4th without fireworks.

Something we did have though was hot dogs. And folks, let me tell you they were good. I had 2 and a half. But that is nothing compared to what happened in New York this past week where they hold the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. I saw the replay of it last night on ESPN2 (of course) and it was simply the best television of the year. High comedy.

They introduce these "athletes" like rock stars, complete with secret service type security. Really? Do we really need to protect these guys like the President? They throw up stats on each participant like "Ate 65 hard boiled eggs in one sitting." or World Champion Chicken Dumpling Eater.

And the Babe Ruth of the "sport" is Kobayashi., the five time champion who holds the record of 53 hot dogs eaten in 12 minutes. You've all probably heard or seen him. He's this tiny Japanese guy who's no taller than 5'7". But he can put away hot dogs like Tara Reid puts away jello shots. He has never been beaten by a human. The only time he lost a hot dog eating contest was to, get ready, a BEAR!! Anyone remember Man versus Beast?? The brainchild from those wonderful execs at FOX who also brough us The Littlest Groom and Playing it Straight?

The actual comepetition was gruesome. Everyone shoving, mashing, cramming hot dogs into their mouth as fast as they can. And then the hot dogs don't always stay down. But, here's the catch, if you vomit, the hot dog doesn't count, unless you swallow back the vomit. And that's where we got some Nathan's controversy. Apparently 2nd place finisher Joey Chestnut, the young gun from the United States, claims that Kobayashi hurled and then did not put the hurl back in his mouth, and therefore should have been docked dogs. No penalty flag was thrown. Chestnut is the Seattle Seahawks of the Competitive Eating Circuit. He vows next year to put down 60 dogs. USA! USA! USA!


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