Wednesday, June 28, 2006

NBA Draft 2006 Live Blog

So, let's see. New blog. What to do? What to do?

Oh, I know! How about an extremely time consuming live blog that only a handful of people will even understand?? Done and done. Countdown to the 2006 NBA Draft is on. I will now list all the players that I could pick out of a crowd of tall people: J.J. Redick, Adam Morrison (and his dirtstache), um, um , is Paul Davis (aka Lurch) getting drafted?

So I may not know the players, but I know Jay Bilas and Stephen A. Smith, and I'm sure they'll be bumbling all night. So in the words of Mills Lane: Let's get it on!

7: 15 Stephen A. Smith is already yelling. Not to be outdone, Dick Vitale comes in at an extremely high decibal level. They show LSU star Tyrus Thomas in the lounge with like a 3 year old kid. I hope that's his little brother. I doubt it though.

7:19 This draft is taking place at MSG. That's just a smack in the face to NY Knicks as far as I'm concerned. Do the Knick fans cheer for the No. 2 pick that Chicago makes and chant "Coulda been ours! Coulda been ours!" It's like holding the NFL QB challenge at Ben Roethlisberger's house.

7:25 Classy sideline reporting by Mark Jones. Asks JJ Redick about his DUI. Follows that up with an XBOX question: Who's better at Halo? Him or Morrison? Nice. Hey drunkie, you play video games online! Pop that collar.

7:29 The first pick is by the Toronto Raptors. Get ready hardcore Raptor Fan!!! You're getting a european douchebag named Andrea. Is he the next Nowitzki? More like the next Darko. Or Tshitvilli. Or Tukoglu. Or Vujicic. Or Delfino. Or Kukoc. Does it really matter? I mean, seriously can you trust the first pick to a guy with the same name as the nerdy girl on 90210? Go Gay. Rudy Gay that is.

7:41 Andrea, you've just been picked No. 1. Go meet Stuart Scott. This is probably the first black guy Andrea's met and it's Stu. Oh god. Stu begins by saying Molto Benna. What were the odds of that? He asks what is the worst part of being picked No. 1. Um, it happened 15 seconds ago Stu. If it were me, the worst thing about being drafted is this interview.

7:44 First guy I say huh? to. LaMarcus Aldridge. Anyone with a La or Da or De in front of his name must be good though. Apparently LAmarcus is going from Chicago to Portland for Tyrus Thomas at No. 4. If they didn't switch hats, would you even know which one was which?

7:49 Kwame Brown wasn't available so Michael Jordan and Charlotte picked the best available Diabetes ridden cryer with a mullet and pornstache, Adam Morrison. They only guy in the draft who will average over 15 ppg next year. Plus, he's the most marketable player in the draft. Really?!?! This guy? Have you seen him? Love his crying commercial. "Yeah, I cried! So what?" So, trim those sideburns hippie!

7:53 Rachel Nichols. Hello! A few more notes on Morrison. His favorite DVD is Ultimate Fighting. His favorite book is "The Art of War" And he cried when Rage against the Machine broke up. What doesn't this guy cry at? Did he cry when they stopped making Crystal Pepsi? Did he cry when the sock puppet got sued? Suck it up white trash.

7:57 Tyrus Thomas apparently played well against Duke and that's why Dicky V loves him. Bilas loves him too. Wow, beat Duke and you get drafted high. Guess that's why we don't see a lot of Michigan State guys drafted high.

7:59 First Stephen A. blow up. "Portland doesn't know what they're doing. That's all I got to say about that." And then he continues to blow air. Dan Patrick looks scared.

8:02 Hawks take Shelden Williams. This guy looks like a Scooby Doo villian. Me eat Brains!!! What a shock. Bilas and Vitale love the Duke guy Williams.

8:08 Randy Foye. Brandon Roy. Two others that I can't tell the difference between. Minnesota takes Brandon Roy. I think. It could be Randy Roy. Or Brandon Foye. Dont' ask me. I'm just a product of the East Coast Bias that is prejudice against players from the Pac 10.

8:15 Everyone is wondering why Rudy Gay has fallen. Simple. No team wants to deal with the "GAY" jokes on the road. The NBA is homophobic.

8:17 Boston does not go Gay. They go Foye. But Massachusetts loves the Gay. But he's traded to Portland. They are not Gay friendly apparently. Foye does have his godbrother "Z" with him. People have GODBROTHERS?? When did this happen? Who the hell is my godbrother? My godbrother is out there somewhere and I have no idea who he is.

8:26 Houston goes Gay. But not for long. They were just experimenting. Everyone experiments in college. They trade Gay to Memphis for Shane Battier, who is kinda gayer than Gay, but whatevs. Vitale loves the Gay.

8:30 Golden State picks Patrick O'Bryant. He's Not White. He's Not Irish. The shock of the Draft. Unshocking: The extremely awkward interview with Stu where Stu calls him Bryan.

8:36 Half of these players have already been traded. It's kinda ridiculous. Seattle takes Saer Sene from Senegal whos big time stats include 3 ppg and 4 rpg. I'm sure he's getting traded.

8:42 Orlando: Drunkie?? Drunkie?? DRUNKIE!!!! Why not draft Redick? He's only a one-dimensional, alcoholic with back problems and no offensive moves. Lottery pick! I'm guessing that Bilas and Vitale love it.

8:48 New Orleans picks Mike Brown. You're doing a heckuva job, brownie. Wait. They draft some guy named Hilton Armstrong. And he can't really speak english even though he was born in New York. NBA is fantastic!

8:51 We still got Philly and Utah in the lottery. It's been an underwhelming night to be sure, considering that you have to wait a day or two to dechiper who actually got drafted by who after all the trades go down. Luckily the World Poker Tour Championship is on in 8 minutes.

8:54 The pick everyone was waiting for, Thabo Sefolosha. WHO?? WHAT?? Do people running NBA teams, actually scout. Or do they just throw a dart at a bunch of pictures. He's from Switzerland. Has anyone ever done anything athletic from Switzerland? Answer: No. And, OMG, guess what? He was traded. I'm out.

Post draft comments: It pays to stay in school. Shannon Brown, Maurice Ager and Paul Davis all get drafted by competent playoff teams. Brown and LeBron could be a nice combo. And Paul Davis playing alongside Brand and Kaman should be pretty good. Not sure where Ager will fit in the Dallas rotation.

This Draft was out of control. Portland made six trades. SIX!! And with all the unknown players, international gambles, and booing Knick fans, it was a headache waiting to happen. But I did make up to 70 bucks tonight playing cards. So at least I got something out of watching it. This was tiring. See ya at the NFL Draft.


Post a Comment

<< Home