Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Drain

Here's what's going down the drain. With the hubbub surronding the new Superman Movie, here's the definitive list of top and bottom superhero movies. No arguments.

Top 5
1) Batman Begins- Face it. Great story. Great cast (Oldman, Caine, Morgan Freeman!). Badass Hero. And a heart. Dark, yes, but not Spawn dark.
2) Spider-Man 2- The best, flabbiest villian of all time. One righteous subway car action scene. And actual pathos for the leading man.
3) Sin City- Any movie that has Clive Owen, Elijah Wood, Nick Stahl and Mickey Rourke is all right in my book. The Yellow Bastard would sooooo be on Dateline today.
4) Batman- Jack Palance. "You....are my number one.....ah guy." And Keaton. Oh, and Keaton. His pinnacle. It all went downhill to playing guys reincarnated as snowmen from then on.

5) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- The original. Though No. 2 gets bonus points for Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap".

Bottom 5

5) Elektra- Yes, Daredevil was so incredibly bad we'll make an even crappier spin-off with a girl who stole Raphael's sais. Wait, will you also have Affleck's baby? Good.
4) Hulk- Not "THE" Hulk. Just Hulk. Ang Lee can do gay cowboys. He can do Crouching Tigers. He can't do horrible looking CGI green monsters that clock in over 2 and half excrutiating hours.
3) Catwoman- Halle Berry. You just won an academy award. What are you gonna next? I'm gonna make this horrible stinking turd with a stretched out Sharon Stone. Absolutely vomit-worthy.

2) The Punisher- Though I love the ridiculous over the top hamming by John Travolta. Come to
think of it, maybe it's on the wrong list.

and....the worst superhero movie....ever!!!!

1) Batman and Robin- Where to start? The bat nipples. The homo-erotic banter between Clooney and O'Donnell. The Batgirl subplot. Elle Macpherson?? And, of course, Arnold delivering such zingers as "ICE to see you!", "You're not sending me to the cooler!", and "My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it is the chilling sound of your doom!"



Blogger snell said...

Batman Forever was much much worse then Batman and Robin.

I'm just sayin'.


Blogger Adam said...


how is Sin City a superhero movie?


Blogger Unky Rob said...

well, what defines a superhero?...does he have to have super powers, cuz batman don't...its a comic book, rourke is a hero....maybe he isn't SUPER enough for you...You must be sad that I didn't include your famed Blade movies that you own, or Fantastic Four which you paid to see, or The Phantom starring Billy Zane.



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