Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm baaaaack!!!


Hello?? No, no, no. Don't hang up. It's me. Me. Unky Rob. Remember?? We were friends once. I used to write to you a few times a week. I had afternoons filled with thoughts about Steven Seagal, Chick Flicks, and midgets. But then something amazing happened.

I got a job. What? Yes, a real job. Kind of.

So I'm a hall monitor at my old high school. It beats renting out The Lizzie Maguire movie to a 40 year old man. It's better than working retail or cash register or at a car wash. I think I love schools, but I hate classes. That's a problem. But now I get to punish kids who have the same problem.
Disrespect me? Detention!
In the hall without your pass? Detention.
Hitting a kid in the nuts?? Double Detention.
Ripping up the detention I give you?? Well, you're looking at a fat inschool suspension.

And when I wasn't monitoring, ahem, excuse me, SUPERVISING the halls, I was at rehearsal for Children of Eden. Molding minds. Choreographing arms. Smacking AJ in the back of the head. You know, the stuff every director does. But now that we've closed, and all know what the shape of Dwight's Linus looks like, I can continue writing with a vengance. And I'm back. Back, baby!

Don't hang up. I'm not done yet. You may want to get rid of me. You may want to make me disappear like Michael Richards career. But it ain't gonna run. I aint' scared. I will commit. I will commit again. I will recommit, if you will, to you. To the kitchen sink. And to you Mr. Seagal. God bless you.

Unky Rob


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